- The freaky chocolate children of Moscow
- The long walk home
- Cadbury Offers to Pay £1 of Your Hospital Bill
- Poor Ireland gets stuck with Time Out
- Halloween in England
- UPDATE: My One-Month Plan to Seduce the Chocolate Man
- Cocaine is not Candy, Boys and Girls
- Turndown Service
- A Daily, 5-Second Vacation for The Chosen
Sunday, April 23, 2006
You! Kit Kat! You are Pansy Chocolate!…Or Are You???
Yesterday was the first day of acceptable weather England has had since the day the sun set on the British Empire. To mark the occasion, a group of us headed to Hampstead Heath, where we, along with the rest of London, sat atop Parliament Hill and watched kids scream and torture dogs. Oh spring.
Yesterday’s Yorkie post served quite briefly as a topic of discussion, wedged in between one friend’s review of Silent Hill and a group debate as to whether our favorite energy reporter/Jesus look-a-like could cut it as a televangelist.
It was in the midst of our heated debate about the Yorkie Bar’s marketing concept that I threw out this rash but entirely correct statement:
“A Kit Kat is a woman’s chocolate bar.”
I immediately heard protests from one male group member, who I know is a closet Kit Kat lover. His arguments were weak and I shan’t bother to post them here, but let me offer two pieces of evidence as to why only cuckolds consume Kit Kats. Or rather, why Kit Kats are for women:
1. A Kit Kat is roughly the size of a tampon, and therefore easily identifiable by its female target audience as an object with which they are both familiar and that they know how to use.
2. Kit Kat is the bar your girlfriend of less than one year buys when she wants something sweet but is still afraid of losing the boy for whom she goes to the gym. Kit Kat isn’t all chocolate—there’s light, airy wafer, too! Air has no calories! And it comes in four convenient sticks, which makes it easy to eat just one and put the rest away. A man’s chocolate bar, in contrast, doesn’t allow a way out. You have no choice but to eat the whole goddamn Yorkie bar or risk having its half-eaten nuts and caramel ooze out into your pocket or bag.
3. In Japan, starting around January of each year, Kit Kat is p-i-n-k. That’s right. Pink.
So now I open the debate to you, my slightly taciturn readers. Is Kit Kat for the ladies?
Categories: chocolate, kit-kat, quiz