Sunday, April 23, 2006

You! Kit Kat! You are Pansy Chocolate!…Or Are You???

Yesterday was the first day of acceptable weather England has had since the day the sun set on the British Empire. To mark the occasion, a group of us headed to Hampstead Heath, where we, along with the rest of London, sat atop Parliament Hill and watched kids scream and torture dogs. Oh spring.

Yesterday’s Yorkie post served quite briefly as a topic of discussion, wedged in between one friend’s review of Silent Hill and a group debate as to whether our favorite energy reporter/Jesus look-a-like could cut it as a televangelist.

It was in the midst of our heated debate about the Yorkie Bar’s marketing concept that I threw out this rash but entirely correct statement:

“A Kit Kat is a woman’s chocolate bar.”

I immediately heard protests from one male group member, who I know is a closet Kit Kat lover. His arguments were weak and I shan’t bother to post them here, but let me offer two pieces of evidence as to why only cuckolds consume Kit Kats. Or rather, why Kit Kats are for women:

1. A Kit Kat is roughly the size of a tampon, and therefore easily identifiable by its female target audience as an object with which they are both familiar and that they know how to use.
2. Kit Kat is the bar your girlfriend of less than one year buys when she wants something sweet but is still afraid of losing the boy for whom she goes to the gym. Kit Kat isn’t all chocolate—there’s light, airy wafer, too! Air has no calories! And it comes in four convenient sticks, which makes it easy to eat just one and put the rest away. A man’s chocolate bar, in contrast, doesn’t allow a way out. You have no choice but to eat the whole goddamn Yorkie bar or risk having its half-eaten nuts and caramel ooze out into your pocket or bag.
3. In Japan, starting around January of each year, Kit Kat is p-i-n-k. That’s right. Pink.

So now I open the debate to you, my slightly taciturn readers. Is Kit Kat for the ladies?

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BLOOD AMBITION 2006 said...

The "Gimme-A-Break" ads could have been lifted directly from West Side Story or Rent, if that means anything.

Moko said...

Yes! There were singing construction workers in hats!

cromulator said...

What does cuckolding have to do with the male female debate? Or did you just throw that in for the sake of alliteration?

As for the kit-kat I contend that it is neither male nor female but rather a family bar. After all, during the commercial for kit-kats it is not only women who are asking for a break but men, and little children as well. Now if kit-kat really thought that their bar was a woman's bar, then they would have marketed directly to women. Are you claiming you know more about the appeal of kit-kat than professionals who have no doubt researched this exact topic heavily?
Now you may object: cromulator, obviously this is a woman's bar, that commercial was an attempt to broaden its appeal by making it appear more family-oriented. My response is that you need to become a more astute reader of the signs and signals of our culture. If kit-kat really were trying to broaden its appeal from women to families, it would have made much more of a point of the family appeal of the kit-kat, using a closer like "kit-kat, the family bar" or "kit-kat, it's not just for women". This commercial, however ,did nothing of the sort. It simply highlighted the long-standing universal appeal of the kit-kat bar.

Moko said...

Cromulator...or should I say KIT KAT CONSUMER? Bravo for having posted the longest and most passionate response we have thus far seen on The Moko. For that, bravo.

And bravo for having clearly majored in the liberal arts while at university. Oohh...the signs and signals of our culture!

Keep in mind that while you were licking Baudrillard's bum, the Kit Kat marketers were not worrying about their female audience. Rather, I am sure that they, like you, think of it as a unviersal bar. However, what I argue is that Kit Kat is an inherently female bar, not only in its shape, but also in its color (in Japan), and in its seeming lower-calorie quality.

Kit Kat may aim to be a universal bar, but I'm sorry, I've never seen construction workers sing. Ever.

Oh, as for the use of "cuckold." Absolutely right. "Emasculate" was preferred but I have a weak spot for alliteration.

cromulator said...

Emasculate doesn't work either. A castrated man is no closer to a woman than a steer is to a cow. The word needed in that context is feminized.

Anonymous said...

All I know is that a KitKat bar made me throw up once. Maybe too much air, not enough chocolate.

Anonymous said...

ok, seriously, no. but it does seema bit girly

BLOOD AMBITION 2006 said...

If a candybar were to have the tagline "it's not just for women anymore" after an advert featuring jolly constuction workers, policemen, and firemen singing together, I would walk away believing that the company had finally come-to-terms with the other half of its fanbase and embraced the gays.

Seriously... Were the Village People trying appeal to the american everyman because they dressed as persons from all walks of life? Was Elton John targeting the duck audience when he was costumed as such?

Moko said...

Cromulator, o seeder of dissent, when I see a man eating a Kit Kat I see a man without a penis. And if that ain't emasculating, I don't know what is.

So what is the tally so far?

For the ladies: 2
Universal: 1
Throw up: 1
For Elton John?: 1?

I'll take votes until Friday!

cromulator said...

sometimes a cigar is just a cigar and sometimes a kit kat is just a kit kat.

bingo said...

if we judged all things by the color they were in japan, what wouldn't be for girls?

BLOOD AMBITION 2006 said...

For the record, I enjoy the Kit-Kat immensely. But then I also enjoy showtunes, cocktails with umbrellas in them, and skipping.

BLOOD AMBITION 2006 said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Moko said...

i'm very intrigued that someone deleted his/her post. what sort of salacious comment could he have left about the Kit Kat?

sorry, btw, about the lack of posts since saturday. blogger is down worldwide...or so they say.