- The freaky chocolate children of Moscow
- The long walk home
- Cadbury Offers to Pay £1 of Your Hospital Bill
- Poor Ireland gets stuck with Time Out
- Halloween in England
- UPDATE: My One-Month Plan to Seduce the Chocolate Man
- Cocaine is not Candy, Boys and Girls
- Turndown Service
- A Daily, 5-Second Vacation for The Chosen
Friday, May 05, 2006
Today is Child’s Day in Japan, which means no one goes to work and people fly those koi wind catchers your neighbor hangs outside in the summer next to his American flag. They also eat special sweets—like this, my Child’s Day fish, made of several unrecognizable ingredients and packaged like a little jewel.
Taste: 6 (I don't like transluscent wobble)
So here’s the deal with Child’s Day. Back when samurais samurai’d and geishas geisha’d their way about Japan, there was one day each year in which all children under the age of ten (意河豚) were left in the forest and had nothing but their inner animal power (格闘気虞) to guide them back to their “home spirit” (方々家, also known as "village"). Those who didn’t make it were whipped by a geisha (in full costume!) or, in Okinawa, by ninjas. Those who made it out successfully were given sweets--or, in Okinawa (because they do everything differently there), fried octopus eyeballs.
While it’s now just another vacation day, Child’s Day was in fact a big racket for pushing women towards the geisha lifestyle. This is because it was usually the girls (with their wussy My Little Pony animal power) who couldn’t make it out of the forest, and who would end up with so many whip marks on their back that wearing the geisha’s multiple clothing layers assured that no one would ever see their scars.
Unfortunately, the whipping practice was outlawed in 1973 and ever since then the number of geishas in Japan has been shrinking rapidly.
Categories: Japan, ninjas, samurai, geisha, lies, animals, okashi