- The freaky chocolate children of Moscow
- The long walk home
- Cadbury Offers to Pay £1 of Your Hospital Bill
- Poor Ireland gets stuck with Time Out
- Halloween in England
- UPDATE: My One-Month Plan to Seduce the Chocolate Man
- Cocaine is not Candy, Boys and Girls
- Turndown Service
- A Daily, 5-Second Vacation for The Chosen
Monday, May 08, 2006
Lame or Nang: Girls with Lollipops
Saturday night I went down to Liverpool Street, where a NY magazine I work for was hosting an all-night champers and vodka party. A planning snafu had resulted in two parties being held on the same night in the same club: one was for the NY magazine, the other was for VICE, paragon of trashy hipster parenthetical ironic drunken vomit.
Our crowd was mainly late 20-somethings; their crowd was, well…hard to say given that most of the boys were dressed in hoodies topped by black leather jackets, accessorized with sunglasses to diminish that harsh disco ball glare. The girls were wearing jean underwear (or skirts, if you use the word very generously) and a few of them were performing tongue acrobatics on Chupa Chups.
Now is it just me or did the Chupa Chups lollipop thing go out of style around 2002? The Moko wants to know: can a girl still get away with gliding her tongue about a banana fudge swirl and expect a boy to get randy?
I used to be a huge Chupa Chups fan—for purely innocent, candy-minded reasons. But once I caught on to the use of the lollipop as a seduction device I became extremely self-conscious about licking in public. I didn’t want to be one of those girls—girls who wore tight black pants, had obnoxious blonde highlights, caught vodka Jell-o shots between their breasts, and who, in their sober moments amidst girlfriends, confessed that what they really wanted wasn’t one-night stands but “a meaningful relationship.”
In any case, VICE was not happy about the party planning mishap, and tried to shut the NY mag out of the bar. So my editrix friend, J-Sing, led us elsewhere, to a place where girls preferred ugly clothes to lollipops, and where the boys were too cheap to even bother trying to offer to buy girls drinks. Oh cool kids--gotta love 'em.
Categories: Chupa, Chups, candy, VICE, hipsters, seduction, lollipops