- The freaky chocolate children of Moscow
- The long walk home
- Cadbury Offers to Pay £1 of Your Hospital Bill
- Poor Ireland gets stuck with Time Out
- Halloween in England
- UPDATE: My One-Month Plan to Seduce the Chocolate Man
- Cocaine is not Candy, Boys and Girls
- Turndown Service
- A Daily, 5-Second Vacation for The Chosen
Thursday, May 11, 2006
On the Wagon…Sort of.
First of all, let’s get this straight: since my visit with the doctor I have drastically cut back on my sugar consumption. (Images of death can have that kind of effect on me.)
Since last week’s visit, I have not purchased a single piece of candy, nor entered the shop of my beloved Chocolate Man. I even gave my candy change (=change meant for future candy purchases) to the homeless guy outside of the supermarket last night. He thought I was being nice—really, though, I was just illustrating my extraordinary self-control.
But I have not been perfect. Part of recovery is admitting I have a problem—a problem I will have to deal with for the rest of my life. With that in mind, I will now publicly announce my transgressions over the past few days:
Sunday: 50 sticks of gum, a liter of tonic water, and lots of sugary peanut butter. Oh, and two candies nicked from the hairdressers who ripped me off.
Monday: An entire jar of lemon curd, which I was pleasantly surprised to discover contains far more syrupy sugar than actual lemons.
Tuesday: Hot chocolate, a half cup of honey, and a full can of Jelly Bellies (which, fyi, I did not buy but were sent to me by my enabling grandparents for my birthday, which you all should know is on Friday)
Wednesday: macaroon Chantilly extravaganza at Harrod's with The Blood Arm’s medical half. I knew I was in safe hands in case I went into sugar seizure.
Wednesday midnight snack (right now): There is no sugar in the house and I'm under surveillance. So I’m eating frozen berries.
I will start complying, or at least semi-complying with the doctor’s orders on Monday. However, between now and then--and for purely social reasons--I must honor whatever birthday cake any of you offer me.
Categories: on-the-wagon, sugar, candy, evil, doctors, cake, gum, jellies, BloodArm