- The freaky chocolate children of Moscow
- The long walk home
- Cadbury Offers to Pay £1 of Your Hospital Bill
- Poor Ireland gets stuck with Time Out
- Halloween in England
- UPDATE: My One-Month Plan to Seduce the Chocolate Man
- Cocaine is not Candy, Boys and Girls
- Turndown Service
- A Daily, 5-Second Vacation for The Chosen
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Caught Red (cinnamon flavor)-Handed
The other morning, L. caught me red-handed. He came into the living room (where I’ve set up my computer) and saw the whites of my eyes hidden amidst a pile of shiny wrappers. I was reprimanded, as I always am, and I affected the lock of a lost puppy and said I would never do it again, which I always say.
Although L. may disagree, the problem wasn’t that I had been binging in the morning, but rather that I had been caught binging in the morning. And while that excuse may not have worked for Nixon and Enron, I’d like to remind you that I am responsible to no one…not even to my teeth, or to my stomach, which blows up to the size of a hot-air balloon when I hit my 100th stick of gum.
Categories: gum, Extra, lies