- The freaky chocolate children of Moscow
- Cadbury Offers to Pay £1 of Your Hospital Bill
- Poor Ireland gets stuck with Time Out
- Halloween in England
- UPDATE: My One-Month Plan to Seduce the Chocolate Man
- Cocaine is not Candy, Boys and Girls
- The long walk home
- Turndown Service
- A Daily, 5-Second Vacation for The Chosen
Saturday, September 30, 2006
Moko Exposes Wrongdoing!
Breaking News: Puerta de America hotel in Madrid puts stale chocolate on pillows!
Totally true, folks. Once you’ve recovered from the shock, read the full story:
September 26, 2006 – I arrive in Madrid and check in to the hotel that last June nearly provoked an internment in a psychiatric ward. This time, rather than check in to the all-white room of death, I opted for a different floor, where the theme seemed to be Mirror Maze Madness.
Despite the fact that I ran into one of the mirror/door things three times, and at one point thought my reflection in the far corner of the room was actually a stunningly attractive intruder, everything seemed to be going rather well with my stay at the Puerta America.
Atop a mirrored tray was complementary Campari, a little tray of desserts, and, in the bathroom, plenty of toothbrushes and toothpaste. (The latter always scores a big plus in my book, as I always forget my toothbrush. What kind of people actually have travel toothbrushes, anyway? I'll tell you: either disgustos who have had the same one for five years, or crazy OCD ones who have to buy a new toothbrush each time they travel.)
I was entirely ready to reverse my opinion of the Hotel Puerta de America until, at exactly 11:30 p.m. on Tuesday night, I unwrapped the chocolate left atop my pillow and bit into the most STALE bit of cocoa I have ever tasted. Disgusted, I immediately spit it back into the wrapper. But, optimistic, I reached for the second piece. Unfortunately, it seemed to be from the same batch of bad chocolate.
I was really upset—far more so than if the hotel had never left any chocolate on my pillow to begin with. Afterall, I had been shown the promises of sweet, sweet chocolate and then was brutally denied! Still, I couldn’t not eat it, right?
Acknowledging my addiction to even crappy, stale chocolate, I swallowed the piece that was already in my mouth, then picked up the piece I had spit out into the wrapper. I stared at it long and hard, knowing that it would be one of the worst chocolate experiences of my life. But still, it was chocolate. Would I sink so low as to re-eat it?
Categories: chocolate, Spain, evil,