- The freaky chocolate children of Moscow
- The long walk home
- Cadbury Offers to Pay £1 of Your Hospital Bill
- Poor Ireland gets stuck with Time Out
- Halloween in England
- UPDATE: My One-Month Plan to Seduce the Chocolate Man
- Cocaine is not Candy, Boys and Girls
- Turndown Service
- A Daily, 5-Second Vacation for The Chosen
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Halloween in England
Tonight was my first Halloween in England, and boy what a disappointment.
Yes, there were a handful of goblins on the street, as well as a bunch of girls in short skirts and fishnet stockings. (Real-live whores or just French maids? You make the call!)
But the Halloween spirit just wasn’t there. The shop windows are already decked out with tinsel and misletoe. No one has said “boo!” to me all day. The only sign of the true and generous Halloween spirit came in the form of a coworker who tried to offer me a full-size Mars bar. But we all know Halloween isn’t about full-size—it’s about the mini-packs of Skittles, Smarties, Haribo, Runts, etc. Tons and tons of mini packs.
Of all of the holidays to reject, why did Europe have to choose Halloween? How about Valentine’s Day (it only makes us feel inadequate) or Easter (who’d miss those icky marshamallow Peeps)?
But fear not. The Moko has the fire of a candy evangelical burning inside her, and she's working on a plan to change all of this. It will be called the Halloween Revival Plan. Or the Halloween Helpers Coalition. Or Halloween Not Hell! Or something like that.
The name is key. Once I have the name down all the rest is nothing but simple lobbying of appropriate government and cultural bodies. Prepare yourselves to sign my petition.
Categories: Halloween, England