Secret gathering at midnight, this past Saturday, in my kitchen:
“Gather round and listen my children. There was once a time when candy corns ruled Halloween. Together, with their brothers, the Brach Pumpkins, they stormed houses across the nation and fought their way first into children’s goodie bags, and then into their rotten teeth.
“For years, those of us born without a yellow base were outcasts—rejects—“abnormals” they called us. They said our chocolate base meant we were from the muddy swamps, rather than the fertile corn fields of their birth. We were thrown out of Brachs’ candy factories, chucked out by old ladies in hair nets who wouldn’t even deign to feed us to their cats.
“But times have changed, my littles ones. We now dominate Brachs’ Fall Flavors pack. Pumpkins are few and far between given how costly they are to manufacture, and yellow dye has risen in value, likewise pushing the yellow-based candy corns out. Our time has finally come!
“You are but little chocolate stumps now, my little ones. But one day you too will be thrown into a Brachs’ fall mix bag. You will carry on our legacy. You will make children love us as they once loved the pumpkins. Go forth, my children, grow, and be strong.”