- The freaky chocolate children of Moscow
- Cadbury Offers to Pay £1 of Your Hospital Bill
- Poor Ireland gets stuck with Time Out
- Halloween in England
- UPDATE: My One-Month Plan to Seduce the Chocolate Man
- Cocaine is not Candy, Boys and Girls
- The long walk home
- Turndown Service
- A Daily, 5-Second Vacation for The Chosen
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Not-so-sizzling sizzle sweets
I love how we Americans get so into Valentine's Day. Last week I was in Silicon Valley and every Safeway, Walgreens, or Long's I went into had a full aisle dedicated to nothing but Valentine's candy---conversation hearts, chocolate hearts, candy dogs ("I Wuff you!"), etc.
And this! Sizzling Body Candy!
I was sure this was the best way to put love and sizzle into my V-day celebration with Mr. Moko.
So after our home-cooked dinner of love I led him upstairs and from the diamond-encrusted heart bra I pulled out these sizzling candies.
Mr. Moko looked a bit skeptical, but I reassured him this was the hottest Valentine's day candy out there. He grunted as I opened the package to reveal a big, red...
...bunch of Pop Rocks.
Seriously. Pop Rocks. But three times the price.
The makers clearly anticipated my disappointement, as they went to the trouble of trying to convince me that this was actually a really innovative way to seduce someone. Check out the tips and tricks sheet below. Basically every tip can be reduced to "sprinkle and lick"--and some reassuring words to not get weirded out when the Pop Rocks start eating away all acid-like at your naked flesh.
So um, yeah, we watched an episode of 30 Rock instead.